New turbine array near Altoona, PA getting ready to go live. ... on Twitpic
Clean energy is moving into the area slowly but local power companies are unlikely to buy to because this area is so connected to the coal industry. Coal is one of the top offenders in contributing to greenhouse gasses and needs to be phased out.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Early Winter Musings
It was a cold night in downtown State College when I left to drive home from a late appointment. Although the University was out for the semester, the streets were anything but deserted. Graduate students taking a break from their never ending pursuits of the almighty thesis sipped lattes in one of the many cafes that line the streets. Last minute shoppers were still roaming the streets trying to get those last minute gifts bought before Christmas and there were always a few students who remained for the season. The streets were brightly lit with Christmas decorations on the trees, lampposts, storefront windows. It was a festive sight. Normally I love Christmas, but was overcome with a mood I had not felt in years. I knew I should not be feeling this way, but emotions often override the logical mind. I am prone to getting depressed and was getting those dark moments again. They do not last long but certainly are not welcome visitors.
The fact that my husband lost a close family member just a few weeks ago only compounded an already somber mood. He went into the hospital with side pain and left with an unknown and incurable disease that no one had suspected. In just over two weeks of constant pain, he was gone. Every day the family vacillated between not wanting to lose a family member and not wanting to see him suffer, but we all knew his time on Earth measured in days, not months. We knew that his life involved more than anything else a great deal of pain and expedience in reaching an end was probably the best thing for him. When it was all over my husband was left battling with finding himself having to assume new role in the family that he never expected to play. I was left with a lingering fear myself about my abilities to be the person he needed to support him emotionally in that role.
But this is all a part of the grief process and completely normal. Nonetheless, it makes for a difficult start to the the holiday season. Thanksgiving spent apart. Our young son crying for his father. An eerie emptiness in the dining room for Thanksgiving dinner and nobody paying attention to football.
Back to the present scenario, I put my focus on the hour (more or less) drive home. It is usually a welcome period of solace. They are few and far between in my busy life, trying to maintain the balance between work and family. This one was just not a happy one. I had recently bought Pink Floyd's "The Wall" on CD, an album that had not been in my mind for some time. Had the son of one of the members not bothered to get himself arrested, it still would be. But while the miscreants of youth usually only attract the attention of persons close to us, those of us who have parents of note make headlines when they get arrested, even if for less than newsworthy offenses. Since reading that story, "The Wall" had been running through my head. Not just one song, the whole album. I decided that before I went through anymore undue emotional trauma, I had better just breakdown and buy the CD. Then I played it on the drive up, over and over, the end result being undue damage to an already low mood.
As if I were not being perseverative enough, I played the CD (well actually there are two) over and over on the trip home. I was on a roll and saw no reason to break my momentum. I returned in a very foul mood. Things at home were usually a relief so I knew this would probably not last.
Everyone needs to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and to my delight my son was still awake when I returned home. "I missed you Mommy" was all I really needed to cheer up my mood for the time. Even if he had been asleep, just seeing him sleeping seems to boost my mood. I have made the observation that no matter how horrific a child's behavior can be during the day, once asleep, he will always have the face of an angel.
That particular episode did not end up lasting very long and I was back to myself soon. If I have learned anything in this life, I have learned to allow myself those occasional spells of self indulgent pity- the crying spells in the shower that nobody else knows about, the tendency to play choice songs over and over in my car or on my Ipod when I am alone, the playing on the computer for hours so as not to have to deal with people. If I do, the noxious mood will pass, if not, it is going to hang around for a while. I have learned enough to know that in this area of the country, there can be some very long winters. Those really fun euphoric episodes do not show up until the bulbs start popping up.
I
The fact that my husband lost a close family member just a few weeks ago only compounded an already somber mood. He went into the hospital with side pain and left with an unknown and incurable disease that no one had suspected. In just over two weeks of constant pain, he was gone. Every day the family vacillated between not wanting to lose a family member and not wanting to see him suffer, but we all knew his time on Earth measured in days, not months. We knew that his life involved more than anything else a great deal of pain and expedience in reaching an end was probably the best thing for him. When it was all over my husband was left battling with finding himself having to assume new role in the family that he never expected to play. I was left with a lingering fear myself about my abilities to be the person he needed to support him emotionally in that role.
But this is all a part of the grief process and completely normal. Nonetheless, it makes for a difficult start to the the holiday season. Thanksgiving spent apart. Our young son crying for his father. An eerie emptiness in the dining room for Thanksgiving dinner and nobody paying attention to football.
Back to the present scenario, I put my focus on the hour (more or less) drive home. It is usually a welcome period of solace. They are few and far between in my busy life, trying to maintain the balance between work and family. This one was just not a happy one. I had recently bought Pink Floyd's "The Wall" on CD, an album that had not been in my mind for some time. Had the son of one of the members not bothered to get himself arrested, it still would be. But while the miscreants of youth usually only attract the attention of persons close to us, those of us who have parents of note make headlines when they get arrested, even if for less than newsworthy offenses. Since reading that story, "The Wall" had been running through my head. Not just one song, the whole album. I decided that before I went through anymore undue emotional trauma, I had better just breakdown and buy the CD. Then I played it on the drive up, over and over, the end result being undue damage to an already low mood.
As if I were not being perseverative enough, I played the CD (well actually there are two) over and over on the trip home. I was on a roll and saw no reason to break my momentum. I returned in a very foul mood. Things at home were usually a relief so I knew this would probably not last.
Everyone needs to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and to my delight my son was still awake when I returned home. "I missed you Mommy" was all I really needed to cheer up my mood for the time. Even if he had been asleep, just seeing him sleeping seems to boost my mood. I have made the observation that no matter how horrific a child's behavior can be during the day, once asleep, he will always have the face of an angel.
That particular episode did not end up lasting very long and I was back to myself soon. If I have learned anything in this life, I have learned to allow myself those occasional spells of self indulgent pity- the crying spells in the shower that nobody else knows about, the tendency to play choice songs over and over in my car or on my Ipod when I am alone, the playing on the computer for hours so as not to have to deal with people. If I do, the noxious mood will pass, if not, it is going to hang around for a while. I have learned enough to know that in this area of the country, there can be some very long winters. Those really fun euphoric episodes do not show up until the bulbs start popping up.
I
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The Real Meaning of Christmas
There is a small mountain that borders along the town I live in. It has a beautiful overlook of my city and the valley that comprises the metropolitan area of where I work. During the holidays, there is a single star that is illuminated on the top of that overlook that can be seen from most of the city. Since there is no development behind the cliff that the overlook stands on, the star is on a black background and appears to be floating in the night sky, as if it really were the Star of Bethlehem. I like the star, but my son who questions the star, has not been able to understand the significance of it yet. The story of Jesus itself is one that he is unfamiliar with itself, and the concept of the Magi seems too much for a child's mind to understand. In these days of GPS systems, even maps are considered archaic, let alone following a star?
Sadly, I am not as religious a person as I ought to be. Raised in the Episcopal Church and very active in church activities as a child, I went off to college to study in the physical sciences which turned everything I had learned on end. Since then I have been a proper dyslexic agnostic who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. There is still a bit of Christian in me however and I respect the value of the Christian holidays at least. I am very offended by the commercialization and secularization of the Christmas Holiday. I do not say "Happy Holidays" unless I know the individual for certain is not Christian. I have even gone through spells of attending select churches, lead by certain priests that I feel have a particularly good message to relay. My battle this year is trying to convince my son that there is more to Christmas than Santa Claus and getting presents. They tell me the obsession with Santa Claus will be over soon enough so just let it go and I have done my best to heed this advise.
So why do I have much concern for the sanctity of Christmas? Why do I bother to attend church at times when I am so agnostic in my own beliefs? Simple. When one weeds out the propaganda, outside influences, medieval dogma and other outside influences, I feel very strongly that the message that Jesus himself had to convey carries great wisdom and is worth hearing. Some of the things that he said actually sounded quite similar to teachings of other religions that had origins in faraway places. Perhaps these are the real universal truths that are so actively sought for.
For me to be convinced a particular belief in Christianity is valid is knowing that it was one that was put forth by Jesus himself. There is a huge laundry list of conclusions that have been drawn from the writings of the New Testament that were never involved Jesus himself. In fact, the vast majority of writings included in the New Testament were written post mortem. Even if excluding the accountings in the Gospels of Jesus returning to Earth after rising from the dead, there is still very little of the New Testament that documented the actual life of Jesus Christ. An enormous part of the New Testament is written by a man who never even met Jesus and largely involved his interpretation of what he believed to be the message Jesus was trying to convey. If we do not accept second hand information today as reliable, why do we allow a religion to be based on it?
Sadly, I am not as religious a person as I ought to be. Raised in the Episcopal Church and very active in church activities as a child, I went off to college to study in the physical sciences which turned everything I had learned on end. Since then I have been a proper dyslexic agnostic who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. There is still a bit of Christian in me however and I respect the value of the Christian holidays at least. I am very offended by the commercialization and secularization of the Christmas Holiday. I do not say "Happy Holidays" unless I know the individual for certain is not Christian. I have even gone through spells of attending select churches, lead by certain priests that I feel have a particularly good message to relay. My battle this year is trying to convince my son that there is more to Christmas than Santa Claus and getting presents. They tell me the obsession with Santa Claus will be over soon enough so just let it go and I have done my best to heed this advise.
So why do I have much concern for the sanctity of Christmas? Why do I bother to attend church at times when I am so agnostic in my own beliefs? Simple. When one weeds out the propaganda, outside influences, medieval dogma and other outside influences, I feel very strongly that the message that Jesus himself had to convey carries great wisdom and is worth hearing. Some of the things that he said actually sounded quite similar to teachings of other religions that had origins in faraway places. Perhaps these are the real universal truths that are so actively sought for.
For me to be convinced a particular belief in Christianity is valid is knowing that it was one that was put forth by Jesus himself. There is a huge laundry list of conclusions that have been drawn from the writings of the New Testament that were never involved Jesus himself. In fact, the vast majority of writings included in the New Testament were written post mortem. Even if excluding the accountings in the Gospels of Jesus returning to Earth after rising from the dead, there is still very little of the New Testament that documented the actual life of Jesus Christ. An enormous part of the New Testament is written by a man who never even met Jesus and largely involved his interpretation of what he believed to be the message Jesus was trying to convey. If we do not accept second hand information today as reliable, why do we allow a religion to be based on it?
So much for my proselytizing. There is a great deal of wisdom that Jesus had to share and his message was actually very simple in complexity of things that he asked, but at the same time, extremely hard to follow. If everyone were able to follow his teachings, the world would be a better place. I am certain of that, but this planet is populated by a diverse group of people with their own religions, cultural norms, and belief systems and it would be unrealistic for this to happen. There are some things that Jesus himself said that have always stuck with me as having great enough value to heed whether I resolve my own doubts or not because they are so profound in their wisdom that they reach beyond the norm put forth by ordinary man.
Love thy neighbor. - This is not always easy when the guy's dog keeps digging up your garden and his kid throws beer cans in your front yard. People had been killed over trivial disagreements like this. If we cannot get along with our own people, who can we get along with?
I feel I need not mention love thy God. That is a given.
Love thine enemy - He meant it when he said it. Even the most corrupt, evil person in the world can love his neighbor. It takes a special person to love his enemy. We need to try to understand each other better. Love terrorists? Perhaps we need to understand why they came to be- Western interference with Middle Eastern affairs. The root of anger is fear. They are afraid of the power of the Western world and losing control of their lives. They just choose the wrong way to show it. A little more understanding between both parties would save a lot of suffering.
To reach the Kingdom of Heaven we must become like little children. - Really not that surprising when you consider it. It is a central tenet of Zen Buddhism. We are perfect at birth and become tainted with time. To fully be enlightened we must cast off this dogma and return to our pure state. Babies are not evil. They are babies, are pure, unadulterated. They are somebody's perfect little child with pictures being sent all over the globe on Facebook. Even the ones that grow up to be criminals and terrorists.
If thine enemy smite thee, turn the other cheek. - A hard point to swallow, but one cannot lose a fight that one does not get into. Sometimes the bigger man is the one who shows a little humility.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. - What gives any of us the right to judge another person when we are not perfect ourselves? We all do it, though and it is very hard not to.
Love thy neighbor. - This is not always easy when the guy's dog keeps digging up your garden and his kid throws beer cans in your front yard. People had been killed over trivial disagreements like this. If we cannot get along with our own people, who can we get along with?
I feel I need not mention love thy God. That is a given.
Love thine enemy - He meant it when he said it. Even the most corrupt, evil person in the world can love his neighbor. It takes a special person to love his enemy. We need to try to understand each other better. Love terrorists? Perhaps we need to understand why they came to be- Western interference with Middle Eastern affairs. The root of anger is fear. They are afraid of the power of the Western world and losing control of their lives. They just choose the wrong way to show it. A little more understanding between both parties would save a lot of suffering.
To reach the Kingdom of Heaven we must become like little children. - Really not that surprising when you consider it. It is a central tenet of Zen Buddhism. We are perfect at birth and become tainted with time. To fully be enlightened we must cast off this dogma and return to our pure state. Babies are not evil. They are babies, are pure, unadulterated. They are somebody's perfect little child with pictures being sent all over the globe on Facebook. Even the ones that grow up to be criminals and terrorists.
If thine enemy smite thee, turn the other cheek. - A hard point to swallow, but one cannot lose a fight that one does not get into. Sometimes the bigger man is the one who shows a little humility.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. - What gives any of us the right to judge another person when we are not perfect ourselves? We all do it, though and it is very hard not to.
Of course those who are Christians celebrate the birth of Savior each year to forgive our shortcomings. Every year I place candles in the window to welcome the baby Jesus to our home and there is a star on the tree to lead the way for the Maji (who arrived two years later, by the way). And that is the real meaning of Christmas, whether Wal Mart likes it or not.
So if you are Christian have a Merry Christmas and I hope you are able to celebrate with family and friends. If you are not, I hope you at least get some time off to enjoy your family and friends.
Peace to all.
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