The Week in Review

Not much time, so I thought I would summarize the interesting events of the last few weeks at work for you.

-I met a patient who thought that the rock singer Billy Idol was the Messiah. I would hate to see who she thought was the anti-Christ. Personally, if I were in the position to pick a rock star as Jesus, I would think more like Bono or Peter Gabriel, or someone else who has put a lot of work towards improving the Earth/Human condition, etc. Somehow the pseudo pop punk sneer just does not do it for me. I have been hearing a lot of songs from my youth in my head as a result. I am sure I do not like it.

- I was flipped off in a new and even more creative way than all the past creative ways that I had been flipped off by a patient. He even had the style to deny that he was flipping me off, stating he was just showing me how swollen his middle finger was since he broke it years ago. It was the wagging both middle fingers around trying to compare them that pushed it over the edge. I will have to keep that maneuver for my extensive "flip off" repertoire. Some of those gestures come in handy, you know?

- We have had a mysterious underwear burglar on the unit. Some of the patients (all female victims so far) have been fairly polite about the whole thing, but some have not been as so gracious. The worst part is hearing a description of the kind of panties your patient wears. The best part is knowing that your patient does in fact wear panties.

- Morning team rounds got off track one day, straying from a patient's eating disorder as a way to cover up her poor self esteem, to why would anybody want to buy a set of underpants that makes one's butt look bigger? The name of said product was something like "Booty Buddy". I have this suspicion that I will get a pair at my next birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. I take a lot of torment for my rather slim build and I do not expect that to change.

- We have one patient who thinks everyone but one patient and me are trying to kill her. That one patient thinks she is trying to kill him. One patient who things everyone is out to get her. We have one patient who talks to God, one who preaches the word of God. One who has had a case heard in from of the Supreme Court and is preparing to have a case seen in front of "Federal Court". Then we have one really depressed guy who just tries to stay sane.

- None of our patients were caught in any drug busts, but one was hauled in on assault and battery charges.

- And the staff sits in the back and tells politically incorrect jokes about booty buddies trying to keep themselves sane.

Peace.