Card Categories that should exist but do not

Rather than
-For the Happy Couple
try
-For the Unhappy Couple


Instead of
-New Baby
we need
-New Crack Baby


Instead of
-"Sweet Sixteen" birthday party invitations
we need
-"Sweet Sixteen" 10 Kegger While the Parental Units are in the Bahamas invitations



Instead of
-Baby Shower cards
we need
-Unplanned Baby Shower cards



Instead of
-Wedding invitations
we need
-Shotgun Wedding invitations



Instead of
-Mother's Day cards
we need
-My Baby Mama Day cards



Instead of
-Father's Day cards
we need
-My Baby Daddy Day cards



Instead of
-Generic "Happy Holidays" cards
we need
-I hate the F#&*ing Holidays cards



Instead of
-Ridiculous "Happy Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Chinese New Year/New Years Eve/Some vague Catholic Saint that no one has ever heard of day cards
we need
-Let's All Go Act Like Douche bags for Two Weeks at the End of Every Year for World Peace cards

Instead of
-Valentine's Day cards
we need
-I Bought You This Card Because You Would Think I'm a Dick if I Didn't Day Cards.

Instead of
-Happy Sweetest Day cards
we need
-Happy Increase the Profit Margin for Hallmark by Creating Another Stupid Holiday Card.

Next entry- card sentiments that we really need rather than that soppy Hallmark poetry crap that no one had the patience to read.