The Best of the Worst

The best part about working in psychiatry is that the stories we take home are a whole lot more interesting than the ones that our colleagues in other specialties do. Surgery may have a great deal of prestige and responsibility, but when it comes down to it, an appendectomy is an appendectomy. In my work have have met God, the Antichrist, top CIA operatives, and people important enough to be monitored by the Navy and aliens. I know people who have spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in a day (literally) that were not top execs for a Fortune 500 company. I have heard elaborate delusional systems that took years to put together. Now that is interesting. With that, I leave you with some of the "Best of" stories I have collected through the years:



1)Best excuse given for the need for an early refill of Xanax: "Shamu ate my Xanax."

2)Most cars bought by one person in a weeks time (who was not an auto dealer):15.

3)Most extravagant purchase that a patient that I have treated has ever made: a strip mall.

4)Most extravagant purchase that a co worker's patient has ever made: a Boeing 747.

5)Largest testicles I have ever seen: about the size of a soccer ball.

6)Best delusional system devised to explain having testicles the size of a soccer ball:"It's the beta rays that did it."

N.B. Real reason for testicles being that large: severe untreated congestive heart failure. They returned to normal once he was treated.

7)Most memorable question asked of a male family practice intern sent to suture up a gash in the eyebrow of a middle aged female patient with schizoaffective disorder:"Will I still be able to have intercourse with these in?"

N.B.-Advice to intern- "Just ignore that question and keep sewing."

8)Worst mislabeling of a patient's diagnosis: schizodefective disorder. Correct Dx: schizoaffective disorder.

9)Strangest thing I have ever been accused of being from a delusional patient: a member of the Freemasons.


And finally....

10)The most unpleasant piece of information I have heard imparted from one nurse orienting a new nurse to the unit: "You'd be surprised how many people in (our town) don't wear underwear."