1)Refusing to put pockets in clothes. This is apparently based on the idea that putting things in your pockets makes you look fat. I am not sure how, but somehow a tube of lipstick and a pen have the capability of transforming a model thin woman to a candidate for bariatric surgery in seconds. It is not enough to simply not use the pockets for the "thin obsessed." I read in one magazine that rather than risk the danger of being helplessly compelled to put things in one's pockets a woman must take her clothing to a tailor and have them removed! Fortunately the fashion world has been thoughtful enough to save us a few dollars by making clothing with "faux pockets" to keep us safe from that risk. Okay, it is true, I am thin and do not worry about whether or not I look one pound heavier by carrying a pen in my pocket, but come on, I am a real woman, in the real world with a real job. I want and I need real pockets.
2)Cheeky underwear. What misogynist invented these? All the discomfort of a thong, all the visible panty lines (VPL for those not in the know) of standard panties. All in one package. Now widely available but originally produced by Victoria's Secret, the marketing geniuses who made the thong a household item. Not to rest on their laurels, they had to come up with an item even more uncomfortable and more impractical. Knowing that they are always on the hunt for new ways to make underwear uncomfortable, several women at work and I came up with the MOST ULTIMATELY UNCOMFORTABLE PANTY IN THE WORLD design. I will decline to describe it. We plan to sell it to Victoria's Secret and expect a healthy cut of the profits. Not that any of us would buy it. We will leave that to the 20 year olds in New York that seem to think this kind of thing is sexy.
3)Ridiculous clothing design. I was given a very nice pair of black pants with a short tab belt made out of leather in the center. Those two pieces that constitute the belt are no more than 2 inches each, but since they are leather, the entire pair of pants must be dry cleaned via leather process which runs around $50-$75. All for two 2 inch pieces of leather. Had those two pieces been mounted on snaps so they could be removed, I could have the pants dry cleaned for around $12. Is there any reason those two pieces could not be mounted that way? No. In fact, I took those pants to a local seamstress who did just that. I did that about four years ago and have not had a problem since, but I am paying a whole lot less to have those pants cleaned. The people in New York? Probably are paying $75. As far as to the age of those pants? Are they out of style? No, they are just black pants, they never go out of style. By the way, they do not have pockets, either.
4)$400 haircuts. Do I need to elaborate?
5)Miniskirts 2 inches below the crotch. Considering the popularity of "going commando" recently, these things are not a good idea to begin with. Not to mention, why would anyone want to wear something so short that she cannot bend over, sit down, walk, reach her arms over her head, etc without running the risk of flashing the whole room. Did these things not used to be reserved for strippers?
6)6 inch high spikes heels for work. Fashion magazines will show "work appropriate" outfits that are as on the mark as Lady Gaga is conservative. They invariably feature a pair of shoes that are so high one needs an oxygen tank to breathe. I wear heels at work, more so than most of my cohorts and get teased for doing so by some. My husband is probably my biggest critic in regards to my excesses. But my obsession is shoes in general, be they flat, medium or high heeled and the majority of the time, my heel height is a moderate height which is the most comfortable level for me. One thing is for certain, if they hurt, they do not get worn. I am on my feet all day and the idea of w
earing something so toweringly high that I am limping by mid-morning is ridiculous. Any serious career woman knows what I am talking about.7)Size 12 is a "plus size". In the 80's the average woman weighed 120 pounds and wore a size 12. Since that time, the weight of the average woman has grown as has the average size. It is also true that as years have gone by, what an article of clothing that is considered a size 12 is larger than it was 25 years ago. That said, plus sizes start at size 14 at the smallest, and to hire models that are smaller than that is just an insult.
8)5'4" is short for a woman. Actually it is the average height of the American woman. It is the models that are freakishly tall. So why are average height clothes cut for woman the height of models?
9)Ultra low rider jeans. There is a reason women's waists are thinner than their hips- so their pants do not fall down. Up until a few years ago, that is where we wore our jeans- at our waists. If we wanted jeans that rode low, we borrowed our boyfriend's. Then they gave us our own low rider jeans. Then to really ramp up the refrigerator repairman effect, they gave us ultra low rider jeans. This way, it was impossible to find a pair of uncomfortable Victoria's Secret panties that did not pop out over the top in back and a rising moon was certain to be sighted several times a day.
10) Saying anything so ultra-trendy that it will only be in style for one season, yet still costs $5,000 is a "good investment". Unless you have the money of Oprah Winfrey, this is more money than most women can pay for an outfit they will use for the rest of their life, save three months.
It is a shame that all of the people behind the scenes in the fashion world not be required to have a psychiatric consultation before embarking on their careers. If they were more reality based to begin with, a lot of us would suffer a lot less in the end.
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